The Ultimate Loss of Innocence!

Pondering when I was a boy, there were friends and family around me who loved me. Trust was never an issue! I knew that these people would never harm me in any significant way. Being 10 years of age, is about the time when a boy starts to ponder what it is going to be like in his future. A boy starts to wonder, “I wonder what it will be like when I’m 20 years of age?” I know I did! Never were there any thoughts, in my childhood, other than hope and excitement for the future.

This past week has been very difficult for every person in this country. One cannot imagine that we all would hear the horrific crimes of a man who began an organization to help the very kids he was victimizing! I won’t even use this man’s name for it is worthless to most of us. It will be the un-spoken word, just like the institution treated these victimized boys!

While reading the 23 page indictment, I began to shed tears while reading most of it! These boys who were truly in the hands of a man who needed much help, or to be locked up, had no chance! The man was supposed to be a male mentor to these boys, but he chose to be a male monster! In reading the indictment, I came across many situations that led me to believe there were many people who turned a “blind eye” to “abnormal” behavior. For example, why were boys allowed into an adult locker? This man was not their father! How un-comfortable that would be! Another example, the boys were allowed to travel with the adult football players out-of-town with this man! Where did the children sleep? Do we even have to ask now? It all baffles most of us! I won’t even write about where else the boys were allowed to go! Anyway, the most damning thing I read was towards the end, if I recall right. One night, a supposed responsible man, entered the locker room to find the lights on and shower running. This supposed responsible man heard and saw something so un-imaginable taking place. Now, because the details are graphic, I will spare any of us the horrid details! The supposed responsible man, after seeing a horror scene, turned his back on a child who was 10 years of age at the time. The child probably was waiting for a responsible male figure to interrupt this horror scene so he could have another male figure to look up to again. This supposed responsible male figure let this boy down one more ultimate time! By turning his back on the boy, he told the boy, “this behavior is acceptable and it will be alright in the end!”

In conclusion, a boy was violated in the most atrocious way possible! Not by just one man, but many. Whether directly or indirectly, it does not matter. There were so many men during these years that could have stood up and been “true men,” but this did not happen.  God only knows how many boys were effected. The boy in the locker room that one horrendous night, will never have any of the thoughts I was able to have as a boy! He will never have the hope that I had, the dreams, the male figures who were looked up to, and the list goes on! The boy, who is now a man, will always look at other men with suspicion instead of respect. From now on, I only hope there is a culture of openness, a culture where men do the right thing (such as I had when growing up), and a place where children can truly trust adults and that they will have their best interest at heart.



  1. What a nauseatingly horrible situation!

  2. Thank you, my love! Am glad you read this! I can always use your input…… very smart you are!

  3. Keith

    The only way we can stop child abuse is for all of us to help victims directly and demand justice be done. We must also study perpetrators and realize they are not monsters but people who act like monsters. They must be held fully accountable but we must make it easier for evil people to come forward. Child abusers like all abusive people are mostly psychotic individuals who are not in touch with reality.It is hard for sane people to understand this but it is not just punishment that they deserve but they also deserve to be examples for us all to study so we can figure out how to prevent this in the future. Simply punishing offenders and wiping them from our minds serves no one except those who are still in the public abusing. We must all be protected from all types of wrongdoers by incarcerating them and punishing them if necessary but if we don’t stand up for truth and simply encourage all people to lie and commit violence than the problem will never go away.Unfortunately it’s up to those of us who are responsible to demand,teach,encourage,and promote responsibility instead of continuing the myth that power is responsibility.Power is not responsibility-truth is.

    • Great reply and very insightful!

  4. Tonya

    Beautifully written and very very sad. You really gave the article emotion! I am deeply bothered by this entire situation. How can people turn their backs on children? I am disgusting by every adult involved in this mess and I pray that they are all punished to the full extent of the law!

    I could not imagine being in those kids shoes. I cannot imagine my child going through that. I would have snapped!

    • Thank you so much for replying to the article, Latonya. Yes, I believed I would have snapped too! Also, I appreciate the kind words.

  5. Leonor Fontes

    I can’t believe the guy saw a boy being raped and he didn’t do anything to stop it. If I had seen that, I would had turned into a rabid pit bull, nobody would had stopped me from attacking the coach to defend the boy and then I would had called the police. Thank you for the blog Crusthoven. It’s so sad so many children are being abused like that.

  6. Don’t forget this is a giant azz class war.

    The rich prey on the poor.

    The rich buy their way out of trouble.

    Do you think those investigations just died on a dusty shelf without help?

    • Nadine…….you are so right about this one!

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